How to Survive a Trip on a Greyhound Bus

1. Don't take the Greyhound bus.

Seriously - it's that simple.

I had the worst experience getting out to Jersey all because I needed to drive back with my mother because she hates driving that far alone. I should have shelled out the gas and felt bad for the environment instead.

To start it all off, everyone in Pittsburgh except anyone who worked for Greyhound bus knew that the Parkway East outbound was closed between Churchill and Monroeville. This closure caused stand still traffic for an hour and 20 minutes. It took an hour and 20 minutes to go from Second Avenue downtown to the Monroeville Mall. All the Greyhound bus driver needed to do to avoid this was to go north to the Turnpike, get off at Monroeville and pick up the people there, then get back on the Turnpike and head East. Simple...easy...EFFICIENT! And I am a stickler for efficiency...

I felt bad complaining about having to have my family come pick me up. The girl I sat next to was had left Des Moines, Iowa at around 2pm on Saturday afternoon (so 3pm EDT) and was on her way to Virginia Beach. She needed to get to Richmond and then transfer buses again to get to her destination. This poor girl was going for training for her job and had never ridden a Greyhound bus in her life. Needless to say I think that both she and I will either be flying or taking the train from now on. I actually feel even worse for the girl I sat next to because I purposely did not shower that morning after Ashley's bachelorette party. My plan to get my own seat and sleep off my hangover all the way to Jersey. So yeah, I really stunk. I spent the early afternoon sweating all of the booze out of my system. It was seriously gross.

So the hour and 20 minutes was not accounted for in the travel time, meaning that the bus I needed to switch onto in Baltimore that was supposed to take me to Atlantic City was leaving before I was supposed to get there. Not good. And while my mother insisted that when she called the Balitmore Greyhound bus station and they said there was a 9:30pm bus, there wasn't. The bus driver, the kind man that he is, informed me that by no means would they hold the bus in Baltimore for me and that I would have to figure something out. So I was a bit panicky because I feared being trapped in Baltimore dodging bullets at the bus station all night. My mother and aunt made arrangements to drive down to Baltimore and pick me up.

Well, we get to Baltimore approximately 15 minutes after my other bus was supposed to leave, which really pissed me off since I didn't understand why they couldn't hold the bus. Walking off the bus, Mr. Greyhound Bus Driver 2008 informs me that the bus to Atlantic City is just a couple buses down. I looked at him, said "Thank you for letting me know, but I made other arrangements." So I call my family who immediately inform me to get on the bus. Thinking that the first driver would be helpful (not like he was before but I was giving him the benefit of the doubt) I asked him again where the Atlantic City bus is. He said "Down that way. Good luck getting a seat - they probably gave it away." So then I had to ask 2 other Greyhound bus guys, who at least were helpful, which Greyhound bus I needed. Fortunately I made it.

And don't you know that the bus was empty and I had my own seat - at least until the other Baltimore stop at the Travel Plaza when this guy sat down next to me even though I am pretty sure that there were full open seats elsewhere on the Greyhound bus. I still don't understand that. I seriously had to have smelled awful - like a bar since I spent all of Saturday night in one drinking.

So remember, learn from me - taking the Greyhound bus is a terrible idea. It's better to shell out money and take a cab or drive or take the train.