Post-Election Day Happiness

Barack Obama as President Elect in a landslide victory.

Happy Election Day Eve!!

I've been pretty quiet on the political blogs this election year due to too much work, the move, and a general fear of jinxing anything.

However, I saw the story below and could not resist. If someone has time and can find an audio of this call online - I would really appreciate it! I'm sure it is absolutely hysterical!!!

"Palin Takes Prank Call From Fake Sarkozy
Comedian Jokes About Seeing Belgium From France, Joe The Plumber

Sunday, November 2, 2008
TORONTO -- Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has been had.

She unwittingly took a prank call from a Canadian comedian posing as France's President Nicolas Sarkozy.

The caller, using an exaggerated French accent, dropped a lot of hints along the way that it was a joke, but Palin seemingly did not pick up on them.

For example, the bogus president proposes they go hunting together, saying, "I just love killing those animals," adding, "take away life, that is so fun."

Palin's reply: "Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we're getting work done."

And the bogus president played off Palin's much-mocked comment that she has insights on foreign policy because you can see Russia from Alaska. The prankster said he can see Belgium from France.

Palin answered: "Well, see, we're right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes."

Then the fake Sarkozy told her that his wife had written a song about Joe the Plumber. The title, translated from the French, is "Lipstick on a Pig."

Palin's campaign confirmed the prank call and said the governor is "mildly amused" to join the long list of other leaders and celebrities who've been similarly targeted, adding, "C'est la vie."

It's Just Not a Celebration Without a Riot

The Phillies winning the World Series last night was fantastic! I was so happy for my cousins and other friends from Philadelphia that they have a championship to celebrate. However, a championship celebration is not really a celebration unless there are riots and fires. I immediately texted my cousins following the game and ended the message "beware of riots of happiness". My youngest cousin's response was that she was so happy that she wanted to tip over a car. I know she's joking, but apparently not the rest of the city of Philadelphia.

Even here in Oakland, all of the Pitt kids who are from Philly took part in rioting. They burned some couches, yelled in the streets, and set off firecrackers. It was reminiscent of the Steelers' Super Bowl win in 2006 and Pitt's victory over WVU last November. It's Pittsburgh and burning couches for a Phillies win? Really?

While I definitely agree that there should be drinking and celebrating in the streets, I draw the line at vandalism and arson. I think for future championships, we need to make sure that everyone has a pot and a spoon so they can just make loud clanging noises. This is annoying, but safer than couch fires. And exponentially safer than refrigerator fires. Any noise maker which requires 2 hands, or for one handed noise makers - an endless supply of beer for their other hand, will make rioters a little more pacified and less likely to set fires and tip cars. Things to keep in mind for the next time there is a championship which affects people living in Pittsburgh...

Thought for the Day

According to the Census Bureau:

9,000 people are screwing right now,
2,000 are kissing.
100 are getting head, and
1 lonely person is reading this blog.
You hang in there, Sunshine!!


Had to pass that along. It was from an email forwarded to me by my Uncle Bruce in Cleveland. Those silly Cleveland people!

Happy 6 Days Until Election Day!!

Today's Observation

I was just in the elevator with the pregnant girl who works on the 4th floor. Standing next to someone who is 7 months pregnant made me feel very skinny. I need to make friends with more pregnant women.

I Have the Solution to the Financial Crisis in This Country.

It's a really simple 1 paragraph plan:

Instead of giving these financial institutions $700 BILLION dollars to bail them out, why don't you give the rest of us who are struggling to get out of debt a decent cut of that money. Then the banks will get their money back from their stupid investment mistakes and the rest of us will be able to use our hard earned money to save up for solid down payments on a home, instead of trying to put as little money down as possible since we aren't able to save with our school loan and credit card debt. Everyone will be able to get their finances back on track.

The $700 billion won't pay off everything for everyone, but in my experience, getting rid of one credit card with a high interest rate and one school loan, I would be able to finally save what I need for a really good downpayment. If this would have occurred 3 years ago when I had to move home while looking for a real job, I would have lots of money to put down on a condo right now.

Simple. Very simple.

I should run for president.

Today - Not So Good

There was no bacon on the salad bar today. Not even broccoli, either! Sad.

Today is a Good Day

For one reason and one reason alone: bacon.

I went downstairs to get a salad to eat with my sandwich...and they had real bacon to put on top of the salads. I love salads even more now. Happiness!!! :)

Happy Tuesday everyone! I know mine is!

A Dream Come True

Tom Brady is out!! Apparently the Chiefs have perfected the Carson Palmer leg roll that Kimo von Oelhoffen executed perfectly on January 8, 2006.

I hate Tom Brady. I hate the Patriots. It's a 2001 thing. And I saw the news today...it's my dream come true!

After years of yelling "Tom Brady belongs on his back like the whore that he is", he will be on his back, laid up with a messed up knee for months...and not playing the rest of the season! :)

Happiness, thy name is Bernard Pollard!

It's Official

Apparently if it's not on my work Outlook calendar - I will never notice. I will never notice that one of my favorite bands that plays one of my favorite songs is playing. Yup - completely missed it:

The Airborne Toxic Event
Mr. Smalls Theatre
Pittsburgh, PA
Tuesday, September 2 at 8:00pm

I guess I'll just do what I always do. Buy the CD and talk about how I should have been there.

Fantastic New Blog

This was just sent to me by a friend of mine. It's hilarious! I highly recommend getting on the bandwagon now - you can tell everyone how cool you are that you read Nathan Jordan's new blog first! (:

http://somecodes.com/

Apparently Comcast Employees are Illiterate

I received this response to my strongly worded letter to Comcast at 2:11pm Saturday. This was approximately 2 hours after I sent the email:

Dear Ms. Sorcan,

Thank you for contacting the Comcast Office of Rick Germano, Senior Vice
President of Customer Operations regarding the experience you have had
as a customer.

Ms. Sorcan I can understand your frustration with this situation. My
name is Nancy and I would be happy to look into this situation for you
and help you to resolve the problem.

If it would not be too much trouble Ms. Sorcan, please provide the
following contact information: your address, city, state, zip code, and
a phone number where you may be reached. This information will help us
better research and understand your experience.

Ms. Sorcan I appreciate you providing us the opportunity to assist you.

Thank you for choosing Comcast.

Sincerely,

Nancy Kelly
Office of Rick Germano

My question is, did the person actually read this? Or does my buddy Rick get a lot of these emails so they just research who you are and then your demographic dictates the type or quality of customer service that you receive?

Honestly, I doubt she read my email. Does she really have the ability to resolve this problem? Somehow I highly doubt that if she is answering Rick's emails because Rick is too busy or important that she can put MSNBC back in the channel lineup along with the TV Guide channel. She's probably going to try to sell me additional services or tell me to upgrade.

I Really Do Hate Comcast

All I wanted to do today was watch the Olympics. And I know that all of the good stuff is on in prime time. However, my choices right now were between women's sabre on NBC or women's weightlifting. There was supposed to be soccer on MSNBC. However, Comcast changed the channel lineup in Pittsburgh and replaced MSNBC with the fucking Golf channel.

I'm pretty pissed about this. It's not like the Olympics are on every week or every year. I waited 4 fucking years to watch Olympic sports and it's inappropriate to further limit coverage. I think Comcast should pay to send me to the Olympics so I can watch the sports that I want.

In my anger, I decided to send "feedback" to Comcast. I'll admit that I may be slightly ridiculous with my email, but it's me. That's what I do :)


Good afternoon Rick (this is the Customer Service Contact person - "Rick Germano - SVP Customer Operations, Comcast"),

I am upset regarding the changes made to the channel lineup in the Pittsburgh area. Initially, losing the TV Guide channel was annoying since when I try to go to channel 182, it does not work - despite the fact that my televisions have the capability of going to channels over 100.

However, your company failed to realize that NBC's Olympic programming includes MSNBC - a channel that was eliminated from the standard cable programming and replaced with the *GOLF* channel. I hate golf. Additionally, I find it rather unpatriotic to have our Olympic coverage limited even further than it already is. Aren't we supposed to be cheering for our athletes and patting ourselves on the back as Americans because we dominate the competition?

There should be no changes to our service that takes away channels and lessens the scope of our service. Right now my Olympic viewing options between the two available channels are women's sabre or women's weightlifting. I would like to watch soccer on MSNBC - but your company removed this channel. Furthermore, I doubt that NBC is aware of your changes since their website states that soccer is on channel 31 MSNBC for cable listings in my area. Are you positive that your company is not in violation of a contractual obligation? I think you should check into that. Now.

I would hope that you can find a way to correct this problem. When I move in a few months, my roommate and I will be actively researching your competitors' offers. In addition, I will be writing to any political representative who is involved with making regulations forcing your company to actually treat your customers properly. The FCC already thinks your company sucks. As does the city of Saline, which has sued your company for failing to pay approximately $55K in fees. Lastly, I do want to call to your attention that one of our local news stations, WTAE, which reported on the downgrade in Comcast services yesterday, 8/8. See http://www.thepittsburghchannel.com/call4action/17136673/detail.html.

You should be concerned as to your perception from customers and prospective customers. I was trying to find that news story that I noticed the other day when the FCC ruled against you (one of my clients is a competitor of yours in another state so I do follow your industry). When you Google "comcast news", the headline of the second organic listing is "A new reason to hate Comcast". Obviously, you should be concerned on a national level and I would hope that you start making some positive changes. I recommend Monday, 8/11.

My proposal - fuck the Golf channel, let people pay for that shit. Put MSNBC back on along with the TV Guide channel. And in the future, use a little common sense when making changes to the channel lineup.

Regards,
Kristy {last name omitted to get this post off of page 1 of her Google SERP}

*update 12:29 pm: Comcast just aired a commercial explaining that we are losing channels as they expand their HD channel offering. Fuckers must have some sort of spidering capability on their "feedback" email inbox to pull out certain keywords. I bet they are looking for the phrase "fuck the golf channel". haha

Important Announcement for all Steelers fans

The NFL has instituted a fan code of conduct. There are only 6 items in this code, but they will significantly decrease the amount of fun had while attending games:

1. Behavior that is unruly, disruptive, or illegal in nature
2. Intoxication or other signs of alcohol impairment that results in irresponsible behavior
3. Foul or abusive language or obscene gestures
4. Interference with the progress of the game (including throwing objects onto the field)
5. Failing to follow instructions of stadium personnel
6. Verbal or physical harassment of opposing team fans

I myself have violated 5 of the 6 (I think so anyways. As a result of violation of item #2, my memory is a bit fuzzy...)

Item #6, in my opinion, needs to be adjusted. I totally agree with no physical harassment (unless you know the person and give a friendly little shove), but verbal harassment should be completely acceptable. That's the point of football - to pick the other team. Every time we play the Patriots, I always say the following: "That douchebag Tom Brady should be on his back like the whore that he is." I would say it to Tom Brady, as well as any Patriots fan. I believe I have actually said it to Patriots fans in the past. Again, I can't say for sure - that goes back to item #2.

So be forewarned when attending a Steelers game. If you do violate, be prepared to play stupid and be nice to not get in trouble. If you feel that you cannot play stupid and be nice, give me your ticket. Thank you.

*Many thanks to Ashley for posting this link on Facebook.

Growing Older

If you think that this is going to be a post filled with some great advice for growing older or me complaining that my back hurts - you will be sorely disappointed. This post is about how old people baffle me on a regular basis.

So this whole week at the shore, I've been asked at least twice a day when the family members over the age of 40 pass by and I'm on the computer, "You workin'?" Let me tell you that it gets really annoying to have to keep telling them that I'm not. Today was the last time for that question hopefully, as my response was "Do you have to ask me that every day? No, I'm not. Is there something wrong with wanting to play on Facebook and blog? You're reading - are you working?" I think that should be the end of that question. I wouldn't mind if 4 different people kept walking up to ask me the same question every single day. There is a reason that I like working - the questions are less aggravating.

There are some other things that they do which really confuse me as well. One of the things that I will never understand is how watching QVC (the home shopping channel) as a television program is considered acceptable. I don’t think it is. It leads me to believe that there is something seriously wrong and a trip to the doctor for a brain scan is in order.

Lastly, they don’t ask for things. Old people start asking questions instead as a roundabout way of finding out the answer. For instance, my uncle doesn’t like to go to the beach. But he loves going on day trips to see the sights (we are surrounded by ocean – that’s the only sight I need) or going shopping at one of the towns. So my cousin and his girlfriend were walking downstairs earlier today. My uncle was checking his email on his computer on the other side of the room yells out, “Hey Matt, where are you going?” Matt replies that he and Mary are heading to the beach and my uncle just grunts and goes back to his email. Not long after, Uncle Bruce was heading over to Stone Harbor to do some shopping. Uncle Dan asks the same question. When he discovers that Bruce is going shopping it’s all of a sudden, “Wait – I’ll go with you!” He jumps up from the computer, runs upstairs to get his wallet, and out the door they go. If he just would have asked if anyone was planning on heading somewhere other than the beach today, he would have saved himself quite a bit of frustration. I guess retired people just need stuff to do to kill some time and frustrating themselves and others around them is considered to be one of those activities.

(By the way, his computer just said that he had new email. He didn’t even bother to log out before running out the door to go to Stone Harbor).

A Post from (Jersey) Paradise

We should get to have an entire summer off for vacation. It’s the most relaxing thing to be sitting here on a balcony at the Jersey shore with the sound of the waves in the background. Despite the fact that the lighting over the bay is beautiful, I’m not a huge fan of the approaching storm since I’m outside with a laptop (that could end badly), but the sound of the waves is fantastic!

Apparently on a vacation where there’s not touristy sight-seeing stuff to do, it can be interesting to look back at your daily activities trying to figure out how you killed your time waiting for reality to bring your happiness to a screeching halt. For instance, yesterday cocktail hour started at 4:30pm. Cocktail hour lasted through dinner and the Phillies game until it was time to walk to Sea Isle City proper for $1 Miller Lite night at La Costa. That lasted until around 1am when cousin Matt and I walked back to the house. I proceeded to continue drinking on the front balcony where I’m sitting now. Uncle Dan and Uncle Bruce had also gone out to Shenanigans for reggae night and they pulled into the driveway around 1:25am. Uncle Dan went to go to sleep (pass out if you will) while Uncle Bruce and I continued to drink on the porch and chit chat until after 3am.

I woke up around noon (I wanted to be up around 10:30am but it’s my vacation and I don’t mind sleeping in after a party night). I had a sandwich for lunch, played online for awhile, and then proceeded to slather myself with suntan lotion in order to head to the beach. Apparently if you go to the beach at 2pm you get a nice spot near the water since the tide is on its way out from 11 to 5 every day and night during our vacation this year.

On the beach today after I had sufficiently drained my iPod battery and had enough sun to burn my legs, Matt and I played paddle ball for about a half hour before heading back to the house. It was the first time I had played paddle ball and I wasn’t prepared. We didn’t think to Google the rules of beach paddle ball or actually, beach tennis. However, I did learn that beach tennis is not like real tennis. Or at least my backhand is not the same as my tennis backhand. Matt learned that, too, since the ball went way over his 6’5” body. Tomorrow we will have to try it with the rules and maybe make it a 4 player game since Colleen and Mary should be here. I just need to remember one very important thing – make sure to tap the sand off of the ball before serving. Otherwise, I end up with sand in my eyes and there is a danger that I will be hit in the face when Matt returns the ball. It is a dangerous game – not as dangerous as darts, but dangerous nonetheless.

So after coming back to the house, it was time to shower, make a quick beer run, then get ready and head out to dinner. Most of the places at the shore are pretty pricey since they only have a few months in order to make their money for the year. But the food was decent at this place, Carmen’s. The restaurant was pretty cool because it was semi-outdoor seating. When I say semi-outdoor seating, I mean that there was a roof over what was almost like a pier or a very wide dock with open sides overlooking a tiny marina and picnic table seating. While the food wasn’t really anything to write about, the scenes from the table were. There was a duck and her duckling that swam by. Some kids on the dock below our “window” fed them some bread, causing seagulls (dirty birds) to appear to steal the bread. Then I saw a full-fledged, knock-down, drag-out fight between 2 seagulls. That was pretty cool. The first seagull grabbed the tail of the other seagull and dragged it to the water. I think they were trying to drown each other. A mutual drowning would have been nice but sadly, both birds made it out alive.

And that brings me to now – blogging from the balcony, listening to the ocean, and watching the lightning. There are some stars overhead where there is no cloud cover. I honestly wish this could be my life in the summer. Hanging out on the balcony with the waves…the laptop can be here, too, but only for surfing the web and blogging. Not work. I should probably play the Powerball when I get back home for a chance at early retirement with lots of money…

How to Survive a Trip on a Greyhound Bus

1. Don't take the Greyhound bus.

Seriously - it's that simple.

I had the worst experience getting out to Jersey all because I needed to drive back with my mother because she hates driving that far alone. I should have shelled out the gas and felt bad for the environment instead.

To start it all off, everyone in Pittsburgh except anyone who worked for Greyhound bus knew that the Parkway East outbound was closed between Churchill and Monroeville. This closure caused stand still traffic for an hour and 20 minutes. It took an hour and 20 minutes to go from Second Avenue downtown to the Monroeville Mall. All the Greyhound bus driver needed to do to avoid this was to go north to the Turnpike, get off at Monroeville and pick up the people there, then get back on the Turnpike and head East. Simple...easy...EFFICIENT! And I am a stickler for efficiency...

I felt bad complaining about having to have my family come pick me up. The girl I sat next to was had left Des Moines, Iowa at around 2pm on Saturday afternoon (so 3pm EDT) and was on her way to Virginia Beach. She needed to get to Richmond and then transfer buses again to get to her destination. This poor girl was going for training for her job and had never ridden a Greyhound bus in her life. Needless to say I think that both she and I will either be flying or taking the train from now on. I actually feel even worse for the girl I sat next to because I purposely did not shower that morning after Ashley's bachelorette party. My plan to get my own seat and sleep off my hangover all the way to Jersey. So yeah, I really stunk. I spent the early afternoon sweating all of the booze out of my system. It was seriously gross.

So the hour and 20 minutes was not accounted for in the travel time, meaning that the bus I needed to switch onto in Baltimore that was supposed to take me to Atlantic City was leaving before I was supposed to get there. Not good. And while my mother insisted that when she called the Balitmore Greyhound bus station and they said there was a 9:30pm bus, there wasn't. The bus driver, the kind man that he is, informed me that by no means would they hold the bus in Baltimore for me and that I would have to figure something out. So I was a bit panicky because I feared being trapped in Baltimore dodging bullets at the bus station all night. My mother and aunt made arrangements to drive down to Baltimore and pick me up.

Well, we get to Baltimore approximately 15 minutes after my other bus was supposed to leave, which really pissed me off since I didn't understand why they couldn't hold the bus. Walking off the bus, Mr. Greyhound Bus Driver 2008 informs me that the bus to Atlantic City is just a couple buses down. I looked at him, said "Thank you for letting me know, but I made other arrangements." So I call my family who immediately inform me to get on the bus. Thinking that the first driver would be helpful (not like he was before but I was giving him the benefit of the doubt) I asked him again where the Atlantic City bus is. He said "Down that way. Good luck getting a seat - they probably gave it away." So then I had to ask 2 other Greyhound bus guys, who at least were helpful, which Greyhound bus I needed. Fortunately I made it.

And don't you know that the bus was empty and I had my own seat - at least until the other Baltimore stop at the Travel Plaza when this guy sat down next to me even though I am pretty sure that there were full open seats elsewhere on the Greyhound bus. I still don't understand that. I seriously had to have smelled awful - like a bar since I spent all of Saturday night in one drinking.

So remember, learn from me - taking the Greyhound bus is a terrible idea. It's better to shell out money and take a cab or drive or take the train.